"leftists aren’t more likely than centrists or conservatives to be shitty on an interpersonal level. But it’s always worth examining the ways people justify and excuse their own bad behavior, especially when that behavior rises to the level of abuse — and the growing popularity of previously fringe left concepts like “mutual aid,”.[sic] because abusers can twist these ideas to maintain a high moral self-concept even though they’re causing their partners harm."

S. Assault 

“The ‘leftist’ judo maneuver was using the language of transformative justice and relationship anarchy to explain why they wouldn’t apologize for the assault and that it would be emotional labor for them to offer one,” Lynn explains. “I remember her saying, ‘As an act of radical self-love, I will not apologize for my sexuality,’ and other lines like this — very much using the intersection of ‘leftist’ and therapeutic language to obscure a very specific and straightforward harm.”

DARVO dynamics are popular round here

"Because certain insults or insinuations are radioactive in leftist communities — You’re not a real leftist, you’re a secret bigot, you’re being abusive — they can be used as argumentative atom bombs by shitty partners. People familiar with abusive dynamics will recognize this as a form of DARVO, but for partners on the receiving end, it can be bewildering and deeply hurtful"


Thank you Madeline for excellent essay is excellent:

"Partners of these leftists often feel surprised at the disconnect between their admirable political convictions and their manipulative and unkind behavior. But holding lofty political ideals doesn’t preclude a person from sucking on an interpersonal level, something these people had to figure out the hard way."


@CaribenxMarciaX Had an ex do that. She wouldn't do her own dishes, and when challenged about her nasty ass dishes she'd say we were sexist for expecting her to clean her dishes.

interpersonal conflict highlighting systemic violence 

@Cyborgneticz @CaribenxMarciaX lmao why is this such a common thing? The household chores specifically

I was friends w someone who lived in an “anarchist” household that completely exploded bc an argument about household chores turned into a battle of anti-Blackness vs transmisogyny that didn’t end until one of the people involved decided to move to an entirely different city.

interpersonal conflict highlighting systemic violence 

@Cyborgneticz @CaribenxMarciaX

so much shit abt both of them and ppl close to them was revealed by how they treated each other

But it all started bc of an argument about a coffee machine not being cleaned

interpersonal conflict highlighting systemic violence 

@cosmic @CaribenxMarciaX It's very absurd how chores seem to be a crux, and it's very easy with chores to weaponize that language. So instead of "ugh can someone swap chores with me on the chore wheel" (we had a chore wheel and every week we'd rotate it) it became a matter of using leftist language to avoid doing the dishes in this case.

I've seen Most of the shit in that article play out. I'm vsuspicious of ppl because of it

very bad, abusive part on that person 

@cosmic @CaribenxMarciaX
At one point that same person said she was happy someone she was on the outs with was semi-paralyzed from a vehicle accident.
Like just had an argument with, nothing horrible happened between them, when called out for it said again we were being sexist for not letting her express her anger

very bad, abusive part on that person 

@Cyborgneticz yikes this person sounds terrifying :(

very bad, abusive part on that person 

@cosmic very bad, you know how it is - toxic people draw you in and then it's a slow reveal that they are actually a very bad person and by then it's a whole process to disentangle yourself.

@CaribenxMarciaX Finally got around to reading this article now. I'm thankful I don't have anybody in my life like this any more but my god we've all met them so I'll stick a :blimey: in the chat for that

@CaribenxMarciaX this stuff is why I'm always wary of people who talk about TJ without emphasizing how to spot abuse and manipulation and how to feel confident in yourself and your boundaries. Language and ideas can be co-opted SO easily to control and manipulate

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