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Reviewer 1: this is the best paper I've ever read
Reviewer 2: this is the worst paper I've ever read
Reviewer 3: I talked to reviewers 1 & 2, and I must say, I agree

@Sargoth It was the best of papers, it was the worst of papers.

I believe you have created a literary masterpiece.

@Sargoth one time a reviewer told me I shouldn't call myself epileptic because it's offensive to epileptics
The whole paper was about my experience of epilepsy

@Sargoth It was such virtue signaling I could barely handle it

@Sargoth A variation:

R1: The first half of this paper is good. The second half needs to be completely changed.

R2: The second half of this paper is good. The first part needs to be completely changed.

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