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Dear hiring committee members,

Your insistence that you are "not hiring for any tenure track positions in bioethics at the moment," is an interesting opening gambit in our negotiations, and I applaud your persistence on this point after so many emails

My counter-offer, that you are indeed hiring a tenure track professor and compensating very generously, remains firm, however I am willing to haggle over the following minor points ...

Basing my career ambitions loosely on Indiana Jones

* Punch Nazis
* Such an engaging teacher that there's a crowd of students at my office hours

Head Pats Simulator!

With USB tactile beanie

Play as:

* A cutie
* A puppy
* Kitten
* Otter party
* A different, gayer cutie

@bgcarlisle this is why Tain and Garak did their importan coding by reconfiguring circuits on an A/C unit. It was more reliable

Computers would be great if they didn't screw up constantly and require constant hand-holding even when given extremely straightforward tasks

β€ͺWhen I do something good in video games I just shout β€œVideo Games!”‬

~ At a graduation ceremony ~

Me: Bees get degrees

Them: I thought it was "C's get degrees"

*In the distance, buzzing*

animal crossing lets you experience the escapist fantasy of going outside and talking to people

:Trek: Picard 

New in this version:

* heck, hecked

Deprecated:

* hack, hacked

E.g. Oh no they hecked me to mine a bitcoin!!

I almost forgotβ€”yesterday was my 1-year doctoral defensiversary

πŸŽ‚

I want to see the Chernobyl-style HBO docu-drama about this

Some crusty and terrible military police officer punching his desk in frustration and then extinguishing a cigarette to look out the window and say to himself, "I will get you, Dorothy"

And then his administrative assistant, an effeminate gay man, walks by and adds, "and her little dog too"

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Worth re-watching: The Wizard of Oz (1939)

You forget just how powerfully gay her friends are

Weird old sci-fi opinions 

WEYOUN: Don't you think Starfleet would allow you to be quite gratifying. Yes, it should be honoured.
EDDINGTON: Computer, this is a nightmare.

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