Starfleet officer: Computer, activate sonic shower

Computer: Please select a sonic shower mode and intensity level

Starfleet: Oh this is new ... setting umm ... one?

Computer: Available sonic shower modes are "squeaky clean, heavy on the squeaks," "scrub with overdub," "shout the dirt out," "fresh and fortissimo," "screech bleach," "smooth jazz, featuring—"

Starfleet: Computer, stop. Are you just screwing with me right now because I can't tell.


:Trek:; Caps 

Starfleet officer: Nothing like a good sonic shower to make you feel clean!

Other Starfleet: Don't tell anyone, but me and a couple guys from down the hall hooked up all our sonic showers to make—

Starfleet: No, you didn't

Other Starfleet: Yes we did. A sonic sauna.


Several officers wearing towels, reclining and obviously relaxed. There is an extremely loud screeching noise.

Starfleet: (Screaming) THIS IS THE LIFE


~ Starfleet Academy ~

Professor Starfleet: Welcome to personal hygiene engineering; as you're all aware, the sonic shower is one of Starfleet's greatest triumphs of engineering, and also one of our most carefully kept and envied tactical secrets

Student who's obviously a Romulan spy: *Faces into the camera, shrugs as if to say, I guess*

Professor Starfleet: But while the sonic shower was a success, we can never forget the brave souls we lost to the sonic toilet

Students: *Solemnly nod*

re: :Trek: 

@bgcarlisle 42 seasons and many moves later, and we still have not seen a sonic toilet. Or any toilet.

What do the people in Odo’s jail cells do when they have to go?!

It keeps me up at night.

re: :Trek: 

@bgcarlisle …where do they beam it to?!

Is that why the holodeck bio filters are always so gross?!!?

re: :Trek:; poop stuff 

@rgegriff @bgcarlisle So after a quick read of Memory Alpha, I suppose I wasn’t observant enough to see the maybe 10 seconds combined total where you could see a toilet on a starship.

However, the article goes on to mention that waste extraction takes biomatter and does “recycling” and “biomatter resequencing”.

It suggests they only use it for.. boots and stuff? But be careful at the replicator, you may have eaten that before. 🤢​

re: :Trek:; poop stuff 

@maddiefuzz @bgcarlisle Hey! Carbon is a carbon is a carbon.

Sonic bidet sounds wild, tho. Great band name, too

re: :Trek:; poop stuff 

@rgegriff @bgcarlisle That is true, and given how the technology works, there’s nothing unsanitary about it.

However, it seems gross anyway. Maybe I’m not cut out for 23rd/24th century life.

re: :Trek:; poop stuff 

@maddiefuzz @bgcarlisle idk, I guess I already made peace with the fact that some of the atoms I eat have already been through something's butt at some point 🤷​

re: :Trek:; poop stuff 

@maddiefuzz @bgcarlisle all I'm saying is that if I gotta eat poop atoms to have post-scarcity space communism; I'm gonna do it. 😂​

re: :Trek:; poop stuff 

@rgegriff @bgcarlisle I suppose that’s true as well.

Some people even like their butt-processed food stuff much more fresh.


I’m now imagining some Starfleet cadet who’s really into 21st century culinary history, and convinces the caitian on board to eat some coffee beans.

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