Selfie with eye contact 

I'm going to heist the Coliseum like I'm Carmen Sandiego

There's two American straight bros in front of us on the train now and they're trying to outdo each other with their relations' military careers and insight into current European military engagements

I don't know much about the subject but

I do know that everything they've been saying is bs

Apple Maps: *Shows a location circle completely encompassing the entire city of Florence, indicating it knows we're somewhere in the city but it has absolutely no more information than that*

Me: Same

Waiter: Where are you from?

Us: Canada

Waiter: I think there's too many Canadians here

Us: ... sorry

Pro tip:

If you pack only spandex

It's easier to get all your clothes in a backpack

Your questions about my tight pants

Have already been answered

By my "the comfort of straight people is not among our goals" tank

I had a lovely night

With my bf and two other Canadian gays

Who happened to be in town

Which maybe proved the point of the waiter

Complaining about too many Canadians

Yes the food here is good

But is it live-laugh-love good?

Oh wait

Is it eat-pray-love???

This gay bar is playing classic gay anthems

This is fantastic

Todays shirt says "Nobody is ready for that"

It also pairs well with my tight pants

*Poised over the pope with a knife*

Oh wait

If I kill the pope, do I become the pope??

Alcohol and selfie with eye contact 

We're at a bar full of lesbians and the bartender likes us

Florence you are full of Alice in Wonderland sidewalks that get smaller the further you get

I did a vacation and now I'm back home and I didn't get a sunburn!!

And I just self-tested and I didn't get Covid either!! (Probably!!!)

@bgcarlisle in antiquity the internet was being rolled up and lashed to a horse that took you to wherever you were searching

@bgcarlisle "if it's not edible it doesn't belong on the plate"

lewd? 

@bgcarlisle The result of a CBT session ​:florshed:​​:blobcatsweat:

Alcohol and selfie with eye contact 

@bgcarlisle Your selfie faces crack me up every time.

external genitalia reference 

@bgcarlisle one wrong chisel stroke is all it takes, and then you need to break out the emergency dick skills. Which you never practiced because you'd done it right up until then.

NSFW classic 

@bgcarlisle if you go in the place where Neptune stare at you and make eye contact you can see his erection
jessewaugh.com/blog/2017/6/20/

@bgcarlisle I see the emoji is called reboot but I still don’t know what it’s for. Unless it’s a literal computer reboot button

@bgcarlisle Jacked Marble Cassandra isn't real, they can't hurt you!!
Jacked Marble Cassandra:

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