A bit weird couple of questions for non-cis people. Boost if you like, please
1. Do you have some sort of internal voice or monologue?
2. If you do, has this voice changed during your gender transition, gender-wise?
1. Yes i do have an internal monologue
2. This voice has not changed much I don't think, but it is in general lower than my actual voice or just a neutral voice I think, I've never thought much about it. I have identified as trans for most of my youth so in terms of what is formative to me I can't tell much of a difference now.
1. yes, constant, my entire life
2. nope... kinda weird lol now that i think about it but the internal voice isn't really sound it's more just... thinking in words?
@matias93 genderqueer, i have an internal monologue, and it hasn't changed, but it's not really a voice I hear so there's no tone for it to change I guess
@matias93 my internal monologue doesn't have a voice (and didn't have one even before transition), it's just... there
2. No, because its pitch has *always* been closer to what i think fits my actual gender than what's commonly associated with my assigned gender
(Inasmuch as an internal monologue that's more about language than voice can have a pitch, but growing up i always hated how my speaking voice never came out how i thought it would)
@matias93 We're a bit of an odd case, I'm both cis and nonbinary, but I've got headmates who are transgender...
and 2. uhh... doesn't really apply to us since the trans critters in here just came into /existence/ trans. >,,>
We definitely have internal voices. In particular @Ylfingr's is... lower-pitched than mine, somehow.
@matias93 also I um, there's apparently a femme version of me in here, I actually thought I was genderfluid for a little while; her voice is definitely more feminine than mine. So kinda sorta on 2.
(... in fact I may have /been/ genderfluid and then decided "nah, I don't want to be femme" and she split off. Hard to tell.)
2. it never had any gendered characteristics like pitch or tone, it was always just like, an inner voice that feeds into language processing but skips being like actual audio
and there haven't been any changes as far as i can tell
i guess you could say it was always agender?? but like, idk if ungendered inner monologue is related to being agender or if it's just common across many genders
@haskal judging from the answers here, it seems like it's pretty common to have a featureless inner voice, which is definitely not my case.
Interesting, isn't it?
2. not really I think, it's mostly either neutral where I can't tell its' gender or it temporarily becomes the voice of anyone who I talk/listen to for a long time
1) yes? no? more often than that when it comes to our own internal voice, it's more like "having heard" rather than actively hearing. like skipping the act of hearing and going straight to parsing and interpretation. voices perceived as others heard internally through memory, imagination, or other means are a mixture of having-heard and hearing-as-if-present. it's less a monologue and more a scattering of impressions, processes, memories, dialogues, and incomplete sensory data (mostly vision, touch, and taste) unless we are actively focusing on making a coherent composition or narrative
2) that said, the patterns of thought and internal narrative structure have changed substantially over time, with our transition being one reason among many that we are able to identify. our experienced gender, whether or not it is externalized or performed, is certainly a component of the chaotic morass that we are gratefully able to coalesce into some semblance of articulable order when it is necessary to do so
No it doesn’t really have much of a voice, like it does but not too noticeable and doesn’t sound like me. Don’t think of it as having a gender
@matias93 1. yes, very
2. except, like a number of others, mine doesnt really have a voice either. given that, at least for me, ive felt detached with reality and my own body for "mysterious reasons" (which i didnt look into for many years at first), its not too surprising to not have a concrete voice for it?
@matias93 1. yes
2. my inner monologue takes on the voices of people I know or have heard before, not my own
@matias93 I do, and it is my own voice, generally peppered with a lot more negative self talk and all of the puns I know better than to say out loud. It never code switches to my high femme customer service voice unless it is being sarcastic
Every queer woman in my life has tagged me as a dyke in waiting and a few trans men have quietly pulled me aside and let me know that I can open up to them if I feel like it, so it’s either “more masc than I think,” or “extremely ambiguous”
@matias93 I've a pretty chatty and annoying one but I've never thought of it as gendered tbf. Like, no actual tone/timbre of voice associated with it, just the words, if that makes sense.
@matias93 Hi it's me again since I'm cis! :P My internal voice is... I'd classify it as "male"-ish but somewhat ambiguous. (Which honestly sorta matches my gender, too.)
@matias93 My internal voice sounds ... exactly like the version of me I hear when I speak. So in my case alto.
@matias93 I do. It's my own voice, and funnily one thing I've noticed since doing lots of teaching online and editing videos during the pandemic is that it steadily more resembles my actual voice the more I hear my actual voice.
@matias93 I'm cis. I think in images, usually. When I do have thoughts in voice, it is usually the voices of friends or family and therefore of variable gender.
@matias93 never stopped to consider it but yes I suppose I do. It’s a girl’s voice as I am a cis girl, if a tiny bit less high than it comes out when I speak, but also very much *my* voice.
@matias93 To me, it's my voice, basically, and it's as male as I am (which is basically "constantly, but not always consciously").
@matias93 I don't have an internal voice (cis woman, not autistic but ADHS) - to put the other option out here, too.
@blueplanetslittlehelper I knew there was people without internal voices, but I thought you were more numerous!
From the answers to the thread, the overwhelming majority has some sort of featureless or soundless monologue.
@matias93 cos male here - I kind of have soundless conversations with myself, not a constant monologue. And it's not gendered per se, it's kinda even wieder than that. Everything is like an audio book, and sounds like a person "voicing" all characters. But the thing is, it's not my voice either, and I couldn't put a gender to how it feels.
@matias93 Cis here. I have one. I think it sounds kind of like I think I sound to myself. Its male-gendered (like me). I had to think about that; it's not obviously a man's voice, but it sounded weird to describe it as a woman's voice, so it's not.
@matias93 I do, and it sounds like my voice, but the voice I hear when I speak and not the nasal weirdness that I hear in recordings of my voice.
I suppose I would classify as masculine, but not necessarily objectively; but only because I identify as male, and the voice belongs to me, so I guess by implication or whatever it is a male voice.
@matias93 yep. It's me. But dark, mostly. Mainly because it's trying to actively sabotage and undermine me.
@matias93 It sounds like me, but it doesn't have... sound in my head of that makes sense? So it is stable, even as it is whatever my current gender is
@matias93 My main internal monologue sounds like my voice, which I haven’t done anything to change thus far, but I’m wondering now if the two will/would change together
but I’ve also got situational internal monologues in other people’s voices. Mostly internet video people that I’ve watched a lot of. And then occasionally a text-based internal monologue.
@matias93 my inner dialogue is closer to words appearing out of the ether than to hearing it in my mind's ear (which is interesting in and of itself because my general audiation is quite good) but when I do hear it, it sounds the way I imagine my own voice. Which also interestingly, is different from my actual voice despite me knowing how I sound like thanks to video editing.
So tldr: I'm a mess.
@matias93 The real short-form? We are plural and fluid so it changes semi-regularly. Pre-transition my muse (who did most of the narration) had a high, almost toony voice, but that's attributable to her being avian. (And we DID think she was he/him for quite awhile).
Anymore my formal narration is kinda a generic masc voice, meanwhile I'm very slightly fem-of-centre.
Dunno how much an outlier I am but we don't really follow the mold. :3
1: well, I have a kinda split personality, due to dissociative syndrome etc
2: I only discovered their genders after I transitioned, but now I realize they do have different genders.
@matias93 Given as I'm currently in the "maybe I'm nonbinary, but then again am I really dysphoric enough?" phase, idk what camp I should be thrown in, but:
No, not really. My thoughts are generally in the form of text -- well, not actual written text that I could see, just thoughts in word-form without any medium.
I suppose I do sometimes put a voice to them, for the purpose of imagining what I might say or giving myself a pep talk or something, but even then it's only ... half-there? Not sure how to describe it.
In those cases, it's basically just my voice, but with less accent, stuttering and the like. I don't think it has changed since I've started thinking about my gender more seriously, but that might be partly just because my voice is already decently deep by default.
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